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The Old One

By: vivienvalentine - Published:

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.


This book is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY. It contains substantial sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which may be considered offensive by some readers. All sexual activity in this work is consensual and all sexually active characters are 18 years of age or older.


© 2018 Vivien Valentine



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Enjoy the book!


















"I love you, Ethan." I scribbled down on my green jotter, read it through and tore the words out. The crumpled sheet flew carelessly amongst the rest. I had my little love letter maker placed conveniently on the voluminous textbook in front of me. Up until now I don't understand why those college books have to be so damn big. Not that there's much information in them anyways...

The pen I held found its way into my mouth. As I nibbled on the cap I thought of something else to do. Something that would get my mind off my crush. Yet studying that grimoire was less appealing than driving myself crazy.

The tip of my pen scuttled on top of the thin blue line again. It felt like the traces it left behind were my own boiling blood. Though, last time I checked it wasn't black.
"My heart burns me like the summer sun. My body longs for you, E..." I whispered the words as they appeared.

Oh my god, that's not good enough. I squeezed the fresh sheet and tossed it aside. A short sigh escaped me as I momentarily gave up.  Why couldn't he just love me back? Maybe he didn't like my face? From where I lay, I glanced at the mirror. The bed creaked as I pushed myself off and placed my feet on the cold floor. My feet quickly slipped into the blue furry slippers I always wore.

I shuffled my numb toes across the room and stared into the mirror I'd had fixed into the wall by the door. No, it certainly wasn't the fancy ornamental pink creation which screamed 'girlie' that mom had gotten for me. She had failed to realize that I'm a woman and liked to get my own things. At least the society sees me as an adult.

The whirling table fan sitting on my reading desk caught my attention. The desk that lost its significance since the invention of comfy beds. I stopped to feel the pleasant draft of air it produced. Much to my dismay, it suddenly jammed and stopped working. It made me turn back to find out what was wrong with it. Maybe it was just the magic of the old desk. It screamed cursed with its sturdy wooden legs, curly brown lines along the edges and a small rectangular drawer with a hole where the knob used to be. Unlike the other things mom got me these days, I actually loved it; it was good for placing stuff on. All the textbooks I owned were strewn across it.

I squinted at the new additions to my dust collectors, which Anthony bought for me. Ugh, Anthony, I don't want to think about him now...

I shook my head and used the back of my hand to slide a few creepy paperbacks off the desk. The small blue fan looked just as it always did; sky blue with thin white lines to accentuate the four buttons it had. I tapped its base like a cat, afraid it would blow up on me and hoped it would start doing its thing again. It didn't.

If only Ethan was here, he'd know what to do.
Okay, maybe the fan just needs new batteries.
Or do you plug it in?

My lower lip felt the frustration and I dropped the fan. I wouldn't have done anything about it, so my attention went back to the mirror. I was soon standing in front of it.

I rubbed my eyes, hoping that what I was seeing in the mirror was just their tiredness. I didn't feel too pleased with the reflection staring back at me anyways, so I made a few poses and shifted my feet, making sure the angle was just right. Perfect. I picked a strand of hair that fell across my face and hooked it around my ear. A tiny alluring smile to top it off and I was okay to look at. Yet...

Why couldn't my hair be more golden, or maybe red? Not this tree bark shade of shit. And those brown eyes, couldn't they have been more emerald or sapphire like I read in those books? How would you say it: your eyes are lovely and brown like...chocolate? Chocolate certainly doesn't dazzle.

I shook those thoughts away. I was fine with my face. Okay, maybe I'm not model-like beautiful, but I'm not ugly either. Let's just say I'm treading the thin line between.

My gaze strolled down my body, starting at my chest. I tilted my body from left to right, shutting one eye and trying to measure myself. It was a habit since I was a kid.

"They'd get bigger as you grow older." Mom used to say. I guess she had been right, I mean now that I look more closely they do seem to have swollen a bit. Still, they're just frustrating. I sure would like them bigger.  I wonder if he'd pay more attention if they were?

I squeezed them, feeling the firm softness and hung my head. Jeez! Courtney, get a grip on yourself. It's not about your stupid tangerines!  He's just stuck with moral obligations, ugh! "What would others think?", right?!A distant sound pulled me out of my self-depreciating trance: a steady hum at first, then a roar that spiked as it got closer. My heart skipped a beat; even it knows the sound of Ethan's motorcycle. I quickly combed my hair with my fingers, straightened my clothes and rushed towards the window.

Light seeped in through the blinds in a set of horizontal lines. Nothing worse than peeping at someone through the blinds I thought, so I rappelled them up and pushed the window open. I wished it didn't screech so much.

I was right: it was Ethan. The black and silver, what did he call it, Harley Davidson cruiser or something. Patches of light slid across its smooth metallic frame. I rested my head on my hands and admired the bike and its rider. The motorcycle went up a bend on the road, a cloud of red dust following closely behind, and parked just outside the next house.

 I heard the clicking sound as Ethan kicked off the bike stand. I think he gave a quick glance my way because he twisted the throttle; the engine revved and produced a thin stream of black smoke which spread across the path the bike came through. He knew I always liked that, and possibly did that for my amusement.
The thought of this sent a tiny shiver through my body.

The motorcycle grew silent and my irises focused on Ethan. He had shades on, which looked like a shiny censor bar across his face. The bike shook a bit as he stepped off, followed by a lanky figure. It, or better Anthony, barked at Ethan while pointing at the settling cloud of smoke. Probably because how it was bad enough that thousands of motorcycles were on the street, producing the same emissions, and worse that he would purposely puff out more just for his own amusement. I watched Ethan shrug, chuckle and pat his son on the shoulders. Yes, Ethan is Anthony's father.

I guess that's what made this whole, should I say, obsession, crazy. Okay, maybe it's more than that. It may have grown into a craze by the time I was nineteen. It matured just as I did. That meant something, right?

I'd known Ethan since I can remember. Anthony too, though I always rolled my eyes at that. Ethan had always been this cool father-figure type that I'd always watch from a distance. I remember, as a kid, I'd always said to Anthony: "What a great dad you have, wish I had one."

Little did I know he was more than great. Every year I grew in height, he grew in my eyes. There was just something that others didn't have. Something that showed in the way he walked, his gestures, the way he smelled of gas and spicy cologne. Oh, how I loved how he looked in that tank top smeared in black oil. Under it was a ripped body tightened from twisting those big wrenches and lifting engines. At least, I think that's what he did. Oh my, just the thought of it made me tingle all over the places I shouldn't talk about.

He had these deep brown eyes which seemed to bore holes into you. One time, a couple of years back, he was sitting beside me and listened to me blab about clay and art as I molded what was supposed to be a vase. He'd stare at me with those eyes and I can remember burning with shyness. As I melted under him, the vase did too, ending in a pudge of light brown. Tears stung me in the corners of my eyes at how I embarrassed myself in front of him. And what did he do? He called it art. I can still remember the feel of his flannel shirt on my cheek as I jumped into his arms, smearing clay softened by tears all over it.

Unlike the other boring men in his age group, Ethan was a ruby to their rocks. His dressing was never the clichéd tucked in long sleeve over jeans. Dare I say, he dressed sharper than Anthony, with that black leather jacket over his blow-in-the-wind tartan shirt missing a few buttons at the top; spiking hot.

No, it's definitely not an obsession, it's a craze alright.  I've always loved him for as long as I knew what love is. The frustrating aspect of this is that, even though I thought I'm ready, I couldn't have him. Believe me, I've tried. I always found myself wishing he was twenty years younger and not my neighbor's father.
Wait, I take back the age part.

I could see Anthony behind Ethan. He was packing up some black bags and dropping them on the concrete driveway, which connected both our houses. It formed a pair of dead-ends; left to our house and right to theirs.

Speaking of my house, I heard thudding zip from our back door to the front. It was mom, who'd been working on our garden. As usual, she almost tripped over her mammaries to be the first to meet them. I don't know whose genes I inherited, but they weren't hers, I'm sure of it. She was a head shorter than I, very curvy, with busty hips and those stupid gallon jugs. I hated the way she openly flaunted them in front of Ethan, especially when I was around.

Yeah, wear a cleavage down to your snatch, maybe he'll realize you have one! Ugh!

She walked around both men like a puppy would when welcoming its owners, and puckered her bouncy front out at Ethan. Probably ready for another round of sleazy remarks and oily flirts.

She said something and laughed aloud, tilting her head backward. I could see the way her bust bounced and heaved as she laughed; probably doing it on purpose. Anthony giggled and went all red, while Ethan just smiled. He took a look towards my window and again my heart skipped a beat as he caught me staring.

Anthony shifted forward and said something. Mom replied and immediately they all turned towards my window, where I perched.

"Courtney, come on down!" Mom waved at me.

I raced down towards the front door. Did I listen to my mother? Hell no. I always relished a chance to catch a glimpse of Ethan up close, that's why. Although, I would have liked it to be just me and him.

Maybe in a dark room, where he would tear my clothes off and...

I found Mom and Anthony engaged in an inaudible conversation. It was evident that she was stuffing shit through his ears by the soft nudges and a "There she is!" to top it off.

I approached them with caution, like a biochemist would a virus. Too bad I didn't have a hazmat suit, or shoes for that matter. Yet the prickling warmth harassing the soles of my feet was a minor annoyance to what I was about to experience.

Anthony had that 'I have a crush on you' look in his eyes. The kind I think I gave Ethan. It disgusted me. I hope Ethan didn't dodge indoors because he felt the same way towards me, since he was nowhere to be found.

To be fair, Anthony was not at all bad-looking. He had a thin body frame, certainly not muscular, which was okay if you liked skinny guys with pretty faces. A bit of make-up and he's a K-pop idol.

I'd actually been confronted by my girl friends about how I was so lucky to have him interested in me. They'd even gone as far as saying he's every girl's happily ever after. Too bad I wasn't into twiggy Kens.

Mom walked over and parked it right next to me. I had to bend down and strain my ears because she didn't make any effort in whispering any louder. She had this quirky smirk on her face.

"Go speak to your future boyfriend." Mom giggled into my ear, "and you better be sharp about it!" Her voice pitched.

Again with her weird fantasy of joining our two families. But why I had to be the catalyst, I didn't understand. At least if she was trying to get me together with Ethan, I'd go for it. But no, I had to get the leftovers. Greedy bitch.

She finished planning it out one evening, some months ago. I'd been down at the laundry room, folding sheets and sorting clothes just out of the washing machine. The overbearing smell of the fabric softener nauseated me and the wet wrinkly feel of fresh laundry made my skin crawl. Laundry days were literally killing me.

Mom had skipped down the stone steps into the laundry room, humming a familiar song.  She picked up a blue blanket I just folded and danced around me. If I didn't know her, I'd think she was mocking me.

After a short while, she let her butt hug the outlines of the little stool next to me. She'd remained silent for a while, sifting through washed clothes and glancing my way. The air was humid, full of detergent and my mother's need to talk to me. I hoped the erratic swirl of the washer would drown out her words.

"Courtney, dear. What if we became-" She outyelled the thrashing machine while still retaining a peaceful manner of speech, "-a nice family of four: you, me, Anthony, and Ethan."

I'd bit the inside of my mouth at how she'd pronounced 'Ethan'; all smooth and soft, sensual even. Exactly the way I'd have loved to say it.

"We'd have a nice little house, all four of us. One of those with a white picket fenced you can see in magazines, a big front lawn, a dog maybe. Oh, how lovely it would be. We'll go on family trips and travel to, um, Europe, together." Mom had stopped tending to the laundry and closed her eyes. What images played on the back of her eyelids, I could only imagine. But I believe they were oversaturated with color and so far from reality as our galaxy is from the middle of the universe.

"That's going too far, mom." I'd said to her.

"Not at all." She had replied, her lips drawn into a thin smirk.

I'm pretty sure she had been trying hard to fulfill her fantasy ever since. It was evident from the way she touched Ethan for no apparent reason. Or the way she dressed in front of him. God forbid if she ever wore a bra when he was around.

Now she wanted me to go speak with my 'future boyfriend'. I sighed and watched Anthony walk up to me.

"Hey, Courtney." He said, rubbing his arm and smiling at me.

The problem here was that whenever I looked at him all I saw was his father. Not because they look the same or have the same qualities, oh no. They are too far apart in those aspects. But because Anthony was as close as I could get to Ethan.

"Hi," I replied curtly, staring him down and hoping he felt the thorns of my words. He probably didn't.

"So, Courtney, there is..."

The door of Ethan's house swung open and I saw him step out. He hadn't been out for a minute before mom came skipping over to him. They weren't too far from us, so I tried to make out their conversation.
Anthony was no longer important.

"Hey, do you..."

My eyes trailed along Ethan's ripped body, clad only in a tight-fitting shirt that threatened to burst. I couldn't make out what they said but he occasionally glanced my way, keeping a smooth smile. Every time our eyes met, mom would pull on his elbow or raise her voice to bring his attention back on her.

Why can't she just get the hint!

"Earth to Courtney!"

"Wha...?" I shook my head and shifted my gaze back to Anthony.

"What are you scowling at?" He asked, reluctance filling his voice. Poor bastard, he thought I was pissed at him.

I tried to recall what he'd been saying.
Didn't happen.

"Uh, nothing," I stuttered, "I was, uh. I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

I couldn't believe how fast he could light up the second I gave him any attention.

"Uhm, Courtney, I was wondering if you could go someplace with me?"

I saw mom's ear grow to the size of a satellite dish as he said it. And if that wasn't enough, her eyes were darting back and forth, assessing the situation.

"Like a date?" A jolt of happiness zapped her.

"Sure, it'd be great." He answered. Ugh! I was about to suffer a hyperglycemic shock from how sweetly he beamed at me.

"Yeah, no doubt," I answered and folded my arms. He didn't catch the sarcasm, or maybe chose to ignore it, but mom did and cut a big X in the air. Ethan just watched her weird shadow kung-fu and chuckled to himself. Right before he turned to us as well.

I sighed, "Sure, it'll be fun." I put on the fakest of smiles and hoped they bought it.

I looked over Anthony's shoulder as he hugged me, all happy and shit. There she was, jumping in one place and clapping her hands, occasionally pulling on Ethan's sleeve to show him the spectacle; "Us".

"You should go out with Anthony one of these days. A fine young man, that boy, and charming too." She'd once said. Oh, how I wanted to reply with a saucy 'Then why don't YOU date him?!'.

But, I couldn't go against my own mother when she got like that.


















The Friday I wished wouldn't come, came. Mom hadn't let me rest the night before, asking for a gist in a manner that was both amusing and annoying. She relayed questions like "what'd he say?", "are you excited?", and the most annoying: "did he ask you out yet?" All of which I answered with 'nothing much', a slight grunt, "I dunno" and a few maybes. The basic ingredients in a mom repellent. Though she must have evolved, since it didn't work.
Or knew the answers, which I was sure of.

I'd seen Anthony again that evening, and he'd told me of a fun afternoon he'd got planned for us the next day.

"I don't mean to brag, but it'd be awesome." He ran a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, right." I'd retorted. He squinted at me and turned cold. Oh, crap, he actually caught my sarcasm! "Uh, I meant, yeah, right. As in it'd be awesome." A single drop of cold sweat rolled down my temple.

"I know, right? Tomorrow, okay?" I swear, the speed with which he changed emotional gears was astounding. I pulled up a chair in front of my mirror and stared at myself for a while, wondering why exactly I had to go through with this. Of course, it was mom's idea. Mom was always right. I was stuck going on a date with a guy I didn't even like, all because of her. I sighed and loosened the pin holding my hair.

"So, what is it going to be tonight?" I asked my reflection.

"Let's go for the classic I'm-not-interested," It replied and wrapped my hair into a plain ponytail. A sporty look, the exact opposite of the innocent whore my mother wanted to make me. I also didn't wear mom's pick; an elegant, albeit a bit old-fashioned flower dress spread on my bed. "Dress sharp, and alluring." Mom had said when she'd dropped it there.

Instead, I went for faded blue jeans and a stretchy knitted sweater. Nothing better than hiding all my 'alluring' bits. I was out before mom's hissing and swearing could reach my ears. She'd pout about my outfit at the end of the night anyways.

If I didn't die first, that is.

I met Anthony outside their house, standing beside a black Audi. Oh my, he's going all out. And there I was, thinking he couldn't turn me off any more.

His father was there, too.

"Hey, Ethan!" I squeaked, totally ignoring my date standing ready to woo me with how much of a gentleman he is. Boy, if opening the door of your car got you any pussy, call me, I'll laugh at her.

"Oh, hey, Courtney." He said and tossed a small rag on the tank of his motorcycle.

"Oiling the old girl?" I wish you could oil me.

He laughed, "Something like that." And ran his eyes down my body. "Ready for your date?" He sounded skeptical. Maybe I overdid it with the outfit.

I nodded, and Anthony, probably tired from holding that heavy door, walked up next to me.

"Looking good, Court." Court? When did THAT start?

He smiled and awkwardly patted my arm, as if marking his territory. I felt like a hydrant being pissed on.

I acknowledged his compliment with a curt nod and a weak simper.

"Is everyone having fun without me?" Mom's voice polluted the clear afternoon air.

"You ready?" Anthony whispered to me. He seemed nervous and was depressed: the recipe for one hell of a night.

I noticed mom, in her pink show-em-all top and black yoga pants, hunkering over to Ethan. She looked so small, standing beside him. I think I saw what she meant when she said they look like a couple. Her trying desperately to hook her hand into his arm, and him smiling down on Anthony and the reluctant me. I wanted to swap so much.

"Don't be out too late," Ethan advised us just as I chained myself to the front seat with the safety belt. He peered into the car through my window, acting all fatherly and ignoring me. Okay, maybe he didn't totally ignore me but I was expecting some sort of stolen glances or any form of body contact. Instead, he was being a perfect father and doing it so damn well.

"Oh, come on, Ethan, let them be. They're adults now." Mom chipped in.The engine lurched to life as Anthony turned the key and we were off. My eyes were locked on the windshield but the only part of my vision I paid any attention to was the side mirror. On the both of our parents' shrinking into dots, until they disappeared altogether. Mom's eyes puffed up to the size of tennis balls and her mouth crooked from the unnecessary joy. I'm sure she jumped into Ethan's arms after that, crying.

The evening started on a good note; Anthony did not try to make any awkward small talk while we drove to town. Although he did occasionally turn his head to my direction, studying me. Probably trying to read my expressionless face.

The sky was beautiful and sad. I don't know if it was the slight tint of purple invading the horizon, or the warm sun that was fated to fall beyond it. Maybe it just was the fact I couldn't do anything about it.

"I hope we'll catch the sunset." He piped up.

"Anything special about it?"

He chuckled, "It always reminds me of how lovely you are." I scoffed silently. Try harder, boyfriend.

"It's nice."

"Huh?" He gave me a surprised fleeting look, his voice laced with delight. Maybe because he didn't have to think of a topic that would bore me anyways.

"The car, I like it."

"Yeah, she's a beauty." He focused on the road again and patted the dashboard with a broad smile. "I'm actually in the process of buying her. Joey, the guy at the rental, said that if I like it he'll be willing to sell."

"That's actually nice," I replied, with a tiny hint of interest in my voice.

"Yeah, well, Joey's a good guy."

We both clammed up again, listening to the gentle humming of the car's engine. This time till we got to the cinema. He killed the engine, jumped out the door and rushed over before I could get the seat belt off me.

"Thanks," I said, rewarding him with a small hint of gratitude on my lips. I stared him down as we walked to the entrance. He beamed with happiness and light danced under his long dark eyelashes every time he looked at me. I almost didn't want to believe I could stimulate his endorphine emitters so much.

"Mind getting the popcorn while I get us some tickets?" He asked and immediately corrected himself without letting me answer. "Uh, never mind, I'll get it when I'm done with the tickets. Wouldn't want to stress my date." He chuckled, not able to look me in the eyes.

Anthony had this 'ready to please' nature which I didn't find charming at all. I remember, growing up, he'd never actually been able to say 'no' to me. Maybe it's supposed to be flattering, but it wasn't.

"Don't worry, I'll get us some popcorn and sodas." Don't worry, doggie, I'll loosen your self-imposed leash. You can run away too, if you want.

Actually, please do.

"Great!" He snapped his fingers and hopped over to the ticket booth."Two big popcorn sets, please!" The guy behind the counter slouched heavily and instead of walking, shuffled along. I would feel pity for him, if it wasn't for this weird grin he gave me. I ignored it and focused on the sounds all around me: the constant chatter of people moving around, vibration of the popcorn machine and the little rapid 'pops' of the tiny seeds as they transformed into the puffy white stuff we loved. The silent hum of the refrigerator underlined it all. For some reason, the smell of milkshakes and popcorn churned my stomach and formed a lump in my throat. Or maybe it wasn't that– maybe the thought of the night ahead was, in itself, nauseating.

The guy placed the popcorn bags on the counter and opened the refrigerator, which rattled with the sound of bottles.

"Here you go." He slurred.

I paid him and muttered a low 'thanks', before grabbing the stuff and turning to look for Anthony in the throng of people mulling around.

It didn't take long until I saw him pushing his way through people to get to me. The moment he saw me, a big trench cut through his forehead.

"Let me help you with those." He said and stretched out his hand towards me. I retreated.

"Don't worry. You can have yours, though." I handed a warm bag of popcorn and a slightly chilled soda to him.

"Perfect!" He beamed.

"Of course," I sighed.

"I got the tickets, screen 2." He squinted at the blue slips between his fingers and looked around, "That would be, uuh, this way. Let's go."

There was a fairly large amount of couples moving around the white fluorescent-lit corridors of the cinema. They seemed happy, talking in hushed whispers, walking arm in arm and laughing at some inside joke of theirs. "We" really were out of place there. Too bad Anthony didn't see it that way.

Entering the compact auditorium was like plunging into a nightmare. The white screen did little to help with visibility, throwing long dim shadows behind every silhouette. I swear, if I was with Ethan, I'd stick to him like a tick.

Commercials flashed on the screen, along with a boom of sound from every direction. Now, remember, I have no problem with holding back my bladder, but I got surprised so hard that something may or may not have escaped.

"Court? Are you okay?" The white knight was high on his horse on first notice. "Don't tell me the commercials scared you." He snorted at me. Don't show your weak side to this mongrel, girl!

"Yeah, they did..." I sucked back the tears and swore to never, ever, give him an excuse to laugh at me again. "Anyways, there are good seats in the middle, let's go." I used the first rule of thievery; distract. It worked like a charm.

I purposefully chose a part that was crowded, hoping it would discourage him from being 'forward and smart'. God forbid try to hold my hand!

I made sure to focus on the movie, even though I was well aware of Anthony watching me. Whenever the screen faded into a new scene I'd shoot a quick glare his way to repel him. That lasted for about half a minute before I felt him burning a hole in me again.

In my quest for holding myself back from slapping my drooling date across the face, I could see a couple two rows down. The girl, at least I think it was a girl, had her head on the guy's shoulder. Every once in a while she'd buck with a silent laughter at something her boyfriend whispered to her. Oh how I wish I could do the same with Ethan...

I could also see another couple, further down, nibbling at each other's lips. I glanced sideways at Anthony; he could definitely see them too. I just hoped he didn't get any ideas and shifted a bit away from him, just in case.

The movie was nice, thank God for that. I was able to get lost in the storyline, even relate to it: a young girl falls in love with a guy who's way beyond her reach. I found it intriguing because of the happy ending, unlike mine. Though, it kindled a miniature fire of hope inside of me. It made me believe I could still make my dream come true. Make Ethan mine and do what I really wanted to, not what mom thought was the best.

We filed out of the theater as a part of the flood of people. Anthony, as a gentleman, tried to hold my hand, so I wouldn't get swallowed by it. Though, after a few failed attempts, he gave up. Not that I was helping him by folding my arms and tanking through to the green exit sign.

"So, how was it?" He asked just as we hit the open air.

I shrugged, "It was nice, I think."

"Me too." He said and trotted ahead of me just far enough to let the sun hit him.

"Come on! We can still make it!" Make what?

He grabbed my free hand and we began a slow walk towards the carnival. I was sure prisoners walking down the green mile felt the same as me then.  I tried wriggling him off but he stubbornly held on.

The carnival was beautiful: flashing lights; red, blue, pink, and yellow. Loud music, beeps and honking mixed with laughter filled the air. The big golden coin retreated beyond the horizon, soaking everything in its rusty shine. Ever since I could remember, this orangeish light made my heart ache. I don't know why.

"Say, Courtney." He pulled me from the nostalgic pain.

"Yeah?" I turned to him, suspicious of his tone.

"I, uh- I have something I want to say," He looked around, and then up at the silhouette of the Ferris Wheel, "but first; we must take a ride on that. It'll be fun."

Yeah, fun for you.

The Ferris wheel at the carnival had a wide circular frame with colored seats attached evenly to it. As usual, it was lit up with dazzling lights that sprung from the base in different patterns and sequence, spanning rainbow-colored dots all around the thin frames. Yet all the glitter was just a dark shadow compared to the sun behind it.

I didn't realize when Anthony went to pay for the ride; I was too busy calculating the height I needed to successfully kill myself, and, of course, the time I would get there with that old circle.

"Come on, Court." He said and took my hand in his, pulling me towards the small gate.

Why does he have to pull me along like a lost kid?!

Oh my, a lost kid. That reminded me of one of my fondest memories of Ethan.

It was one of those rainy days when everything looked either gray or dark blue. I don't remember why I decided to go home from school by myself. I guess I wanted a bit of adventure.

It started with innocent first steps in the direction the school bus went when taking me home. What could go wrong, right? Little did I know then that a 15-minute ride was over an hour of trekking. Add winding paths, my backward sense of navigation, and viola! A lost fifth-grader.

I was two hours in when I realized I'm lost. A small dot of yellow in the sea of gray. People around me turned into shadows as every building stretched towards the sky. I felt so small, so afraid, so lost. I don't remember much after that. Only that I ran. Ran so hard that the world around me meshed into a jumble of light and dark.

Until I dropped to my knees at yet another dead-end. The patter of rain on my back grew louder as I folded myself on the cold concrete. World around me ceased to exist. I was in my own void devoid of sound, color, warmth. I didn't even hear myself wailing.

A soft palm landed on my trembling shoulder. I turned around, expecting Ethan. He was the only one I knew with such big paws. But no, it was someone else, someone I didn't recognize. He had a long black trench coat and hid his face under heavy glasses and a fedora. The cute pink wrapping of the lollipop in his hand stretched towards me shone like a neon sing to me. Yet the glint in his eyes as I betrayed even a small hint of relief pushed a freezing blade through my chest. My legs failed to respond to my flight instinct, letting me drop with a splash when I tried to run.

"No need to be afraid, little girl, I'm here to help." Nobody I knew was there to help with such twisted smile on his face. "Uff, you're a heavy one, let's get you to mommy." I was sure that wherever he was about to take me, it wasn't home.

"Hey, you!" A rough voice crashed down like a thunderbolt. I peeked in its direction, feeling a familiar undertone to it and saw Ethan. He was soaked to the last fiber of cloth on him. I remember him vividly. The devilish glare with which he stared the man down. The white shirt sticking to every bulge on his upper body.

A hand squished my heart so tight I squealed out: "Help! Uncle Ethan, please!"

He was like a bull seeing red, charging at us full speed taking the guy by the collar and snatched me from him with the other.

"Close your eyes, baby, and don't open them, whatever you hear." He growled when he sat me down as gently as he could. I did as he said, hearing only thuds, huffs and snapping of bones.

"You can open your eyes, love. It's over." He patted me on the head and I opened my eyes to see him there. The gentle wrinkles in the corners of his eyes felt so comforting I couldn't hold back myself and jumped into his arms. I sobbed, sniffled and outright wheezed into his chest. My little palms cramped up on his wet shirt, refusing to let go. He took it all while whispering to me in a soothing voice.

"It's alright, it's over. I'll take you to mommy in no time. I'm sure she has a super hot bath ready for you..."

Police came soon after to drag the passed-out criminal away. They looked the other way for Ethan, seeing how I clung to him. Otherwise, he may have been sentenced for brutal assault. He did break the guy's ribs and jaw, as I found out later.

An absent smile spread on my face before the distant carnival music jolted me back to reality. To Anthony, the rocklike seat and the foul air. We were compressed in the cabin so much I could taste his mint breath.

Anthony held my hand and pierced me with his eyes. My shoulders tensed up.

"I have something to say to you."

I tried looking away but it was impossible with him nuzzling up to my palm. His freshly shaved beard feeling like snakeskin.

"I'm listening."

"Alright, here goes." His chest heaved as he breathed out. Just don't pop a blood vessel, Romeo. How would I explain that to Ethan?

"Courtney, we've known each other ever since my dad took me to greet the neighbors when I was five. We know everything about each other; our hobbies, likes, dislikes..." Something was telling me he crammed that the day before.

"Yeah..." I interrupted him, trying to remember when that was. The only memory I fished out was a faded-out image of a young dad with his hand on his faceless son's shoulder.

He chuckled awkwardly and continued. "But one thing you may not have known is that I have loved you ever since I first laid my eyes on you."

I exhaled. I'm pretty sure that was more than obvious, Anthony.

He squeezed my hand tight, "It was crazy, those feelings, I just didn't know what to do. I mean, I even told my dad and..."

He told his dad?! I could no longer hear him through the screaming of my inner self. Of course, Ethan would encourage him to be this forward, who wouldn't after that stunt I pulled last week.

A single article pushed me to do what I wanted to for so long. The zealous writing melted the chains that held me back and hit me out of the field with its call to action: "Now, go out and GET IT!"

That day had been a hot afternoon, quiet with an occasional gust of wind combing the trees. Mom had been at her job, surely spreading rumors and cackling at them with her customers. Anthony was out of town.

The fact that only me and Ethan were around aroused dangerous feelings in me. The possibility of finally getting him clenched the yet unexplored depths of my pussy.

Clad in my tightest tank top and shorts, I'd skipped over the driveway to their house. I'd found him tinkering away on his work table, all sweaty and hunched up above a massive engine. The way his muscles tightened with blood as he worked it made me taste my pink lip gloss.

"Hey, Ethan." I'd jumped at him from behind. Of course, it was because I wanted to feel his sturdy back with my braless breasts. His reaction just spit gasoline into the fire within me. He had dropped his wrench-thingy and ran his eyes over me, dumbfounded. It was already too late when he returned to his usual stern glare. I already saw the chink in his defense.

"Hi, Courtney. Should you be dressed like this?" He pushed the last sentence through his teeth, trying to look away. But there was no way he could fool me. His eyes were darting from my puffy camel toe to his work and back to my nipples that were about to pierce through the thin fabric.

I'd snuck up closer to him, like a cat ready to pounce. "Yes, Ethan." I purred, "It's hot outside." The smell of oil and spice hovered around him, his hair was ruffled and black smears glistened on his forehead.

"Uhm, can I help you with something?" He'd gulped. I knew he was doing everything to hold himself back. After all, I didn't see any other woman around him for a long while. Maybe he avoided them? The only exception was mom, but he wasn't interested in her, I was sure of it.

"Say, Ethan, what would you do if you loved someone and maybe that person was somehow unreachable?"

Ethan had dropped his frown and haze of thinking dulled his irises.

"I guess I'll try and make that person reachable." That was the last push I needed.

"I, love you, Ethan, Nnnh!" I blurted out and nipped on his salty lower lip before he could dodge.

"Courtney, I..." He bumped into his workbench, which shook with clinking of metal. "that's not possible and you know it."

"That's a lie," I'd protested, "It's real!" And tore a few buttons off his shirt, revealing his juicy chest. "You're the greatest guy I know!"

"I'm Anthony's dad." He held my shoulders down.

"I don't care." I gripped his hardening tool through his jeans.

"Don't be silly now, you just don't know better." He withdrew his hips.

"I do," I pushed on stubbornly, "I know what I want!"

He'd remained silent for a while, giving me enough time to cling onto him. The way my breasts squished against his bare chest sent shivers down my body. I'd felt hopeful that maybe I had gotten through to him and stroked the protrusion poking my underbelly. Then he shook his head.

"It can't happen. What will people say?" So you're not against it. No need to play hard to get...

"It's none of their business." I flicked the button of his jeans off and enjoyed the sound of his zipper lowering.

"Oh, it is. I'm more than twice your age! And..." He'd suddenly softened his voice and loosened up his tensed muscles, "I still see you as a sweet little girl. You're like my daughter."

"I don't care anymore!" I'd bawled, "Be my Daddy!" I tasted his lips once more, but this time with force. I bore my tongue through them and ravished him from within while invading his tight boxers. It was like grabbing a velvet coated rubber rod. I loved it right away.

"Enough!" His harshness pushed me back.

"I can't do that to Anthony. You should go home now, Courtney."

"Anthony has nothing to do with it!" I yelled.

"Go." He blasted me with his voice. "Home." And turned his back on me.

I stretched my hand towards that wide back, which always made me feel protected, loved and accepted. But then it felt unreachable and laden with poisonous barbs. I could do nothing else but swallow my tears and run home to spill them where he couldn't see.The Ferris wheel gained the needed altitude for me to kill myself by the time I stopped reminiscing. Anthony was still going on and on about something.

" girlfriend?"

"Eh?" At that point I realized the importance of buildup for the punchline.

He smiled awkwardly, "Courtney, I want you to be my girlfriend." Why is it always about what other people want?

I could hear mom's voice saying "go ahead, say yes." I could also visualize those girls at school who'd once said: "I'd jump up and say yes without a second thought if he asked me out". But I wasn't mom, and I certainly wasn't those other girls.

The look in his eyes told me he may not be able to handle an outright 'no!'. And what would mom say? Probably something like: "You're a selfish little brat. Why won't you accept the gorgeous Prince charming and live happily ever after?" Ugh!


I had to make a decision. In any way, I wanted to be closer to Ethan. So I moved my head up and down.


"Yes?" He squealed, "you mean it?"

I nodded again, my face sour like one sat down on an electric chair. He held my hand and leaned in closer. What is he... Oh, a kiss.

I sighed and felt his lips press against mine. It was like pushing my lips against a dead fish's mouth with a concrete lipstick. I felt his breath warm against my face as he flayed my soft flesh. I closed my eyes and let the mills of fate turned by the whims of others electrocute me into a burning pile of meat.


















I locked myself in my room and peeled off everything I had on. The darkness comforted me, resonating with the void in my heart. I patted up the wall with my hands, feeling for the grainy glass of my bathroom door. Ah, there it is...

I dragged my feet in and was greeted by a dim reflection of a pale ghost staring at me. It had pink puffed up eyes. Quiver twisted its lips.

My fingers hooked into the band around my hair and released them from their binding, making the ghost even scarier.

Damn it! I slammed my fist on the porcelain sink. The throbbing pain of my palm couldn't even start to become a distraction. My despair was fatal, scorching me from within.

My shoulders shook as I struggled to breathe–it was always like that when I cried. I was one of the snotty, crying as if I'm about to die, kind of people. My hand reached for the shower and turned the knob, letting the freezing water patter on the tiles for a while.

I wormed into the shower. When it hit me on the nape of my neck, I tensed up for a second, but let the chills spread down my body. The crust of frost they left in their wake was almost relieving. It numbed me, took away the pain.

I hate when my decisions are made for me. I hated myself for not being able to reject Anthony, or better; go against mom. And most of all, that my dreams were in pieces.

I wanted to forget about time, mom, Anthony, everything in the shower, but then the stream broke, gurgled and stopped with a last belch of coldness. I heard mom yell something, maybe about how fucked up our water system was.

Crap! I felt for my towel, buried my face in it and listened to the drain choking on all my stupid decisions.

"Courtney, you in there?" Mom was right outside my room.

"Yeah," I answered, folded on the icy floor.

The door rattled at the force of my mom's rotund physique.

"It's locked, mom." Oh, how hard it was not to let my voice crack under the weight of my misery.

An exasperated sigh answered me.

"How'd it go?"

"How did what go?" I mumbled through my palms.

"You know," I heard the floorboards creak as she shifted her feet, "The date?"

My shoulders rose as I took in a sharp breath, "Just perfect," And mom was none the wiser.I began to see more of Anthony in the following weeks. More than I would have ever wanted. He showed up for 'surprise dates', came over 'to play' and brought me flowers or some other romantic shit I didn't want. At least not from him.

Anthony's 'ready to please' nature grew stale real quick. Anything I asked for he did, anything I wanted he got me. I wondered that if he'd say yes if I ask him to break up with me and not tell anyone about it. Though, I never tried it.

He always tried to hold my hand as we walked, I hated it but had to go with it, especially when mom and Ethan were close by.

Mom, the most annoying of all, was always clapping ecstatically and chirping to Ethan about how she'd predicted us getting together.I saw Ethan one afternoon after a returning from college. He was sitting on a cane chair. He had a magazine open in his right hand while he cradled a beer with his left. I hadn't really pictured him as the reading type.

As usual, I was deep in thought with my face all gloomy and pale. The blue sky was naked, except for its burning eye. The perfect weather for playing outside with the water hoses.

I think he saw me first because I heard my name and looked up to see him waving at me.

"Hey, Courtney, how's it going?" He asked, letting the beer clink on the floor beside him and flicking his sunglasses up to see me without filters.

"I'm fine."

He stared at me closely and frowned, "You don't look fine to me. Is Anthony not treating you well?" A bit too well, if you ask me...

I wanted to believe there was still a chance of getting together with him, but there he was, loving his son more than me. I turned my face away and pouted.

He folded the magazine and dropped it on a stool beside me.

"You look tired, dear. I don't know what the problem is but I assure you it'll be just fine." He paused and let me feel the calluses of his paw on my shoulder. My heart contracted with bittersweet warmth,  "I'm always here for my son's girlfriend." And got crushed by his kindness at the same time.

"Oh, by the way." He perked up, ignorant of the bruise he left on my organic pump. "Your mom invited us to dinner tonight. Frankly, I don't want to come, but your mom's so persistent." He let the softness of his eyes linger on me, "I hope you'll smile more by then."

Haah, I'm no match for him...As promised, Ethan and Anthony showed up on our doorstep at 6 pm sharp. I had to be their host, since mom was still getting the table ready. We entered the dining room just as she put down our nameplates. And there went my plan of sitting next to Ethan. I swallowed the acid that formed in my mouth.

It felt more like an interrogation than a dinner. The bad female cop sat next to me and the good male one next to the victim across the table. Everything I said could have been used against me, so I clammed up. Stabbing the chicken breasts with my fork was a great way to alleviate stress. Stress I had from the victim's continuous stare at me.

"So," Mom shattered the equilibrium of a silent household. "I say we toast," She was already on her feet with a half-empty glass of red wine, "To our children and their blossoming love."

 Her eyes were fixed on Ethan who mutely played along.

I went from not wanting to eat to almost puking.

Mom swept around the table with her glare. "Well, come on, you guys. It's a toast, not a one-woman show."

"Oh, it isn't?" I spit through clenched teeth.

Only the rhythmic clink of my fork against the porcelain plate reverberated through the room as time stopped for everybody except me.

I eyeballed Anthony first, whose jaw dropped. Mom was next with miniature flames burning in her dilated pupils. And Ethan? He just pierced me with a sad look, he was the only one who understood.

The dinner table shook as I roughly pushed back my chair and got up.

"I'm not hungry anymore." I threw the napkin on the maimed contents of my plate and stormed off.

I could hear their fading voices behind me.

"I'm so sorry for her! What could be wrong?"

"I'll go check." Nobody wants that! "Don't worry, mother..." STOP!Thump, thump

"Courtney? What's wrong?" The door creaked open. Fuck, I forgot to lock it...

I lay on my bed, chewing my pillow to hold myself back from biting his head off. I could hear the thud of his feet as he closed in.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

I felt the shift of gravity as the bed gave way under him. "You don't seem okay."  He whispered, "I mean, did your mom offend you or something?"

What's it to you, Mr. Yesman?!

I just wished he'd stop talking, I wished he'd disappear. But no, he had to pull me up to sit next to him. I let my hair hall over my face. Not because I didn't want him to see my expression, but because I didn't want to see his. As usual, he failed to get the hint and combed it back over my ears.

"You can talk to me..." The only part of me that wants to talk to you is my fist, dumbfuck.

"About what?" I stabbed him with my fiercest stare. 

"Anything," He answered with an ecstatic rise to his voice. The poor sucker had mistaken my reply for interest.

"Look, I-!" Just as I was to spill everything, he grabbed me by the shoulders hugged me close.

"You smell nice."

 He snuggled up to the two-day old funk coated with dry shampoo.

"Thanks." My voice sounded like a cold slab of marble. He placed his hand on my bare thigh and tried to caress it. I wriggled and pushed on his chest, but to no avail. It bothers me even today how he couldn't get the hint. Instead, he pecked me with his filthy kisser on the neck.

Before I knew what was happening, my shoulder blades were digging into my bed and his palm slithered up my naked belly.

"No-" I squeaked and clutched the wrist that wanted to feel up my breasts.

"Relax." He breathed out and tried slipping his hand into my shorts.

That was when something shattered inside me.

"Get-" I screamed, "-off!" And kicked him. He landed with a heavy thud on the wooden floor.

"I'm sorry, Courtney. I'm so, so sorry." He immediately sprung up with an expression of a frightened deer. The one that no man, certainly not mine, should have.

"Leave!" I demanded, breathing frost.

"Right." He tiptoed towards the door and paused with his hand on the handle, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.."


I got up as the door clicked shut behind him, turned the key and my legs gave out. You may think that it was because I was frightened, but no. A devilish grin stretched my cheeks.

Whatever broke inside me set me free, making me feel more powerful than ever.I saw Anthony the next day and assured him I was no longer upset. It was just to shut him up. I didn't have time for his shallow apologies.

'Our' relationship turned cold after that and I made sure he knew his place. Although it wasn't very clear to him at first. But after a few failed attempts to have any tactile contact with me, he probably got the idea.

I'd break up with him, but having mom off my back was more important to me. I thought that maybe some other girl will jump on the opportunity of seducing the depressed fuck. And even feel lucky.


















I slammed my forearm against the door.
I threw it against it again.
The third time I winded up, a set of thick fingers gripped me by the wrist.

"Courtney?" I lost balance and staggered back into a meaty pillow smelling of gasoline. "What the hell?"

My slug of a brain failed to recognize the voice. What if it was someone I didn't know? So I turned around to chomp on the hand that held me. Though, my legs had different plans. Instead of doing a graceful turn they tangled up and sent me flying headfirst into whoever I went against.

"Whoa!" My face bore into the comforting smell. "What's wrong, Courtney?" That's when I looked up. There were two blurry Ethans with worry wrought in their foreheads.

"Hnn-" I nuzzled up to him. "Ehaaan!"

"Ugh! Courtney, you reek of alcohol!" Jangling of keys followed his words. "Let's get you in." He muttered into my hair and kicked open the door. My legs forgot how to function properly, so he had to hook my hand over his neck.

"Sowwy," I mumbled. He looked at me fondly, his eyes filled with kindness. And when he combined with a soft smile, I melted.

"It's okay. Come on, we need to lay you down somewhere."

"Yuhh." I slurred and dropped my head in approval. "Wiw you lay doww wiw me?" My vocal expressions turned into animal speech.

"I'll be with you, but-"

"Yaay!" I threw my other hand over his neck, trying to cling to him, and failed miserably.

"Woah!" He winced as I stretched his arm during the fall. "you okay?"


It took me a while to realize that the blinding light I saw was the ceiling. A big scary shadow stood over me. I stretched my fingers towards it.

"Daddyyy!" The shadow bent towards me, so I could hug it tight. One hand hooked under my knees, the other supported my back. It grunted and pulled me up into its arms. A few bellies of its fingers grazed the side of my breast. "It tikwls!!"

"I can't take you up the stairs like this," He huffed between breaths, "I guess there's no other choice then..." And took a shaky step forward while lightly throwing me up to rebalance me.

"I just hope I don't regret this." He mumbled to himself.I felt myself being lowered into the jaws of a fluffy flower, which lured bees by smelling like peppery cologne, mansweat and a squirt of Molotov's cocktail. It would definitely lure me in, I'm sure. I'd pollinate the fuck out of those pistils.

"You'll be fine." Ethan sat on the edge of the bed and ran his palm down my hair.

My eyes were half closed, taking in his scent, and relishing the fact that I was alone in a dark room with Ethan. It was half a dream come true.

I was laying there like a soggy noodle, wallowing in the sludge of my thoughts when I heard the door creak. I panicked, I hadn't even realized when he'd gotten up from the bed.

"Don't go, pwease," I groaned and squinted at the light pouring in from the door. He was already a silhouette standing at the threshold of leaving me. I could see him scratch his nose, lean towards the exit and then shut the door. It was dark again, just like I would have loved it if he didn't flick the switch and burned my retinas.

"Haah, what am I going to do with you?" He exhaled with a tinge of surrender. "Hmm?"

"Yow can do anywing!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know..." He walked back over to me, grabbed my leg and tugged at my shoe. After they plopped on the floor, he leaned in close to my face. Blood rushed to my cheeks, hoping that he was about to kiss me. I even raised my chin towards him.

"Ethan..." My eyes closed and my entire body tingled in anticipation.

But, seconds clicked along behind me and no warmth landed on my parted lips. Worse yet, he was nowhere to be found by the time I opened my eyes again. The whole time he was away, anxiety and my conscience double-teamed me. What if my breath stinks? What if he got fed up with me? I shouldn't have drunk that much. Not a single one of my girl fiends cared that I finally broke my mom's spell over me. They just wanted to see me shitfaced.

I'm so stupid...

"Here, sit up and take this. You'll feel better." I obeyed, overjoyed to see him. Seeing I'm ready, he handed me a glass of water. "Open your mouth, yeah, good girl." And placed something that tasted like your generic pharmacy on my tongue. "Now, drink up and swallow." His every word was laden with love, but I knew it wasn't the kind I wanted.

A wave of nausea ran through my body as I downed the drug. Bitter bile formed in my throat and a small hamster in my head banged on a gong. I wasn't sure if my head was going to split right then and there, or I'm going to throw up first. This only lasted for a few seconds and, true to his words, I felt better.

"Thanks, Ethan," I said and rewarded him with the most charming smile my shitfaced self could manage. He returned it.

"What happened?"

"I'm troubled." I said and looked up at him. He was a slightly blurred image from where I was, but a damn fine one either way.

"What's troubling you?" Great, he took the bait...

I sniffled and smiled weakly, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. I was so great at acting when I was drunk.

"Can I fall in love with someone only by spending a lot of time with him?" I batted my victimized eyelids at him.

"I don't really think it works that way. If it's not meant to be, then it won't happen."

I fell back on the bed, face down. Damn, he smells so good.

"Then with you, it's meant to happen..." I mumbled into his mattress.

"Hmm,?" He leaned in closer. "I didn't hear you."

I turned to face him dead-on. "I said I want you, Ethan. I love you." It was the voice of my soul screaming out at him. All the filters were already disintegrated. There was no Anthony, no Mom, no society to tell me what to do, not even the fact that he rejected me already. Alcohol just helped the words to flow.

He shifted backward and looked away. I saw it; that look in his eyes, that skepticism. He was battling with a lot of 'what ifs'. I realized that breaking my own glass walls wasn't enough. I had to smash his too.

"Courtney..." There was no need for him to say any more. Just the way he tongued my name was enough for me to know he was going to reject me again.

I threw myself back on the bed and covered my ears. "Don't say it!" I simply didn't want to hear 'no' again.

The back of his hand caressed my cheek. His mouth was moving, but I made my best do not hear anything. Drowsiness was gaining in on me after that violent outburst and the bed seemed to suck me in more and more.

The last thing I remember was that the bed squeaked under something heavy.The first thing I saw as I regained consciousness was the blur of the fan blades above me. Chilly breeze slid across my legs.

"Nnn?!" Had I forgotten to put on my pajamas before I went to bed? I couldn't recall anything from the night before.

That's when I realized I didn't recognize the rough blue sheets I was laying on. I turned my head and there he was, his dreamy gaze boring into me.

"Ah! Eh? Ow!" I flinched so hard my brain slammed against my skull.

"Good morning, you look horrible." He said with a satirical grin and chuckled.

I scratched my hair in a futile attempt to comb it, then looked down at my bare body clad only in bland underwear that didn't even match. The synapses in my head were on overdrive as I tried to piece everything together: I was half naked, my hair a mess and Ethan was right next to me. That could only mean...

"Damn you!" I tapped my fists on his bare chest. No, it can't be. We couldn't have had sex without me remembering. God, no, let it not be true!

Ethan held my hand softly, "Slow down, Courtney. I didn't do anything."

"You," I paused, "you mean we didn't have sex?"

"Of course not. I'm not necrophiliac." So we would have, if...

"But, my clothes..."

He thumbed a door behind him, "In the washer."

I felt a mix of disappointment and joy. Both for the same thing; that we didn't have sex.

"Nnn?" I can't just let a chance–no, a golden chance–such as this slip through my fingers. The only thing I want slipping through them is his hair as I climax under him. I crept closer and clung to him. I felt him shiver and shift back a bit, but to no avail, my arms were already around his neck.

"Courtney..." He tried to protest, visibly perplexed. It took but a light mouth-to-mouth to shut him up so I could mount him. I could still feel his resistance as my tongue swirled around in his mouth. Content, I pulled away and licked my lips.

"We can't... I mean, what if.." He stuttered. Okay, first wall broken. Let's go for the next one. I leaned in again, but this time, my hands raced all over his juicy firmness. First it was his chiseled jaw and the next thing I know, I'm stroking the firm bulge of his boxers.

"Courtney, don't make me do it..." Second one down, hehe. How many more are there, I wonder?

"Do what?" I squished my labia on his dick and ground against it up and down. "This? Hmm?" As much as I acted as if having the upper hand, only the thought of mounting him blasted me with lightning bolts of pleasure.

"Hhn!" He grunted and I found myself flying, yet he remained right in front of me, only the room smeared behind him. There it was again, the ceiling fan, like halo above Ethan's head. "This!" He ripped the ugly bra off my body, letting my breasts spill to both sides.

"Ah!" I wanted to cover them, but he had my arms pinned.

"You're beautiful," He said and devoured my nipple, "always have been."

My heart lurched into allegro vivace at the moist touch of his tongue. My eyes were shut so tight that I began to see streaks of flashing lights and 'stars'. His teeth clamped down gently on my rock-hard nipple while he fondled my other breast. He flicked his eyes up at me. I saw hesitation cloud his pupils.

My reply was hooking my legs around his back and pulling him towards me. He smelled of manly musk I rarely got the chance to get intoxicated by. I ran my fingers through his bumpy, hard back, feeling the rough smoothness, if that even was a thing.

His arm muscles strained as he pushed himself off me to wriggle his shorts off. This was it; I pushed my chin down to catch a glimpse of what he was packing. He must have noticed my curiosity, because he chuckled and playfully tapped it against my mound.

Was it supposed to be that big? Would it fit in? Oh my, I'm so not ready. I gulped.

He ran his palm over my thighs, sending waves of thrill throughout my body, and stopped at the side wings of my panties. I raised my waist so he could slide off the thin material with ease.

My legs instinctively clamped shut as what lay between bared to his view.

He pushed his fingers through the crevice between my thighs and gently wrenched them open. Moving forward, he lined up his hips and scorched me with his gaze. His breath tickled me as he made soft groaning sounds while our lips locked.

Even after our lips parted, our irises were connected in a jittery dance. He was the first to leave the dancefloor to wander down the goosebumps between my legs.  A satisfied smile grew on his face as he saw the dark blue pool stretch on the sheets under them.

A gentle thrust was all he needed to take my virginity. I bit my nails into his forearms, bearing the feeling of being ripped apart. It stung, it itched, it bled, yet the tears blurring my vision were that of immense happiness. Soon, his penis kissed my deepest part and stopped. I was gasping for breath under him, assaulted by so many feelings and sensations at the same time. It was as if colors swirled all around my body and when they crashed, exploded into fireworks, electrocuting me.

So this is how you become a woman...

The pain was already gone when I started moving in rhythm with his. My hands caressed his back as I felt myself float into a silky realm of fluttery feelings and heightened emotions.

"Ahn!" My lips pursed into a small 'o'. So that's how moans come out...

Ethan was ever so gentle; he kissed my forehead and made sure he rested his weight on his arms, not letting himself to push me into the covers. He was arched above me like a shield.

There was something missing, but before I could put my finger on what it was, blood rushed to my underbelly, my back arched and my brain filled with white noise.  That something was happening, something I was afraid of. My stomach tightened and I grabbed onto the bedsheets, just so I wouldn't fall. Where, I didn't know.

He went from gentle thrusts to full-on pounding, his breathing turned to short grunts.

Heat spread throughout my body like a wildfire. The second it consumed me I threw my head backward and bucked once, twice, thrice. The bed whined, I screamed. My fingers cramped on the bedsheets. Tremors of pleasure whipped my body in waves.

I breathed out and sprawled on the bed like a marionette having its strings cut. Slight involuntary zaps assaulted me still. It took me a second to realize it was because of the hot sperm landing on my belly. Still in rapture, I dipped one finger into the sticky mess with a dumb grin on my face. I was able to make him cum...

"I'll wipe it right off, don't worry." He said and nibbled on my lower lip.

"Nhooo" I slurred, hugging him close.

"Um, well, okay..." He returned the embrace and rolled to the side.

Our foreheads stuck together and our eyes talked with glints and glances. There was a new glow in Ethan's, as if a curtain was lifted and it was finally allowed to shine through.

I wanted to stay like that forever. I wanted to share my emotions with him, but I had no idea if there even were words for what I was feeling. The only expression my dumb self could come up with was to let our tongues talk it out by dancing together.

We were in a bubble of only two of us, floating, when a metallic churn burst it.

"I'm home!" Ethan's body tensed up and his face turned to stone at hearing his son's voice.

The sound of wooden soles grew louder with their every tap, accompanied by a jangling of keys. Until it stopped right outside of our room.

"Fuck!" Ethan gasped and leapt off the bed. He dashed for the small window tried to lift the frame. I watched him half amused and half terrified. He was completely nude, sticky and trying to shimmy down his own room window.

I remained frozen where I lay. My gaze shifted sharply to the turning deadbolt.

Click, click.

Thump, thump, thump.

"Dad? You in there? I brought you the special bolts you wanted from grandpa!" I exhaled all the tension. Thank God Ethan locked it. "How can he still sleep? It's noon already. Ah, whatever..."

I could hear rustle of a plastic bag and a heavy clink before the tap of Anthony's shoes faded upstairs. A soft sigh of relief escaped from Ethan, who returned to me and entwined our bodies again.

"That was close." He whispered, and after a few seconds of heavy breathing, he relaxed.

"Why'd you go for the window?" I asked.

He grazed his fingers across my cheek, "An old habit, baby."

Baby! He just called me baby! I was about to melt again.

"We need to be more careful next time." He frowned, "It'd be best if we kept this to ourselves, okay?

"Mmhmm!" I bobbed my head, beaming at him. He just said 'next time'!


















Things felt different after that morning with Ethan. We watched each other out of the corners of our eyes, longing for another touch, to grow even closer. The glances, though, didn't look any different from the ones he gave me before.

I thought I'd feel guilty for 'betraying' Anthony. Yet, I wasn't. The fact lingered in the back of my mind, spicing up every kiss with Ethan. I wanted Anthony to see how hopeless his love for me was. I wanted him to see me scream from Ethan's hard love and break up with me.

I was hopeless.

Each time I walked past Ethan's house I would sneak into his workshop and steal a taste of his lips. This usually startled him as he'd push me away gently and glance around to be sure no one saw. I knew I was giving him unnecessary stress, but I didn't care.

During one of mom's 'dinner with neighbors', I made sure to ignore her seating arrangements, and took her spot opposite Ethan. As mom yakked on about some tiny event at the nail salon and cackled at her own jokes, I grazed the length of Ethan's leg with my toes. He looked up at me from under his eyebrows, shook his head and cocked it towards mom. My response was to stroke the growing bulge in his pants.

"I'll go get the chicken." Mom stood up after another one of her jokes that nobody laughed at but her. "Anthony, could you help me with it?" He asked for permission from me with his eyes before responding. I waved him off.

"Yes, mom!"

After they disappeared in the kitchen, I leaned over the table.

"Courtney," He held up his hands in a feeble try to resist as my lips found his bristly cheek, "Anthony..."

"Is a nuisance at this point, I know." I shut him up by biting his lip.

"Courtney! There's too much, come help us!"

"Ugh, sorry Ethan." I pecked him on the place I bit and trotted off to wrestle with an oversized chicken.This was the sort of daring things I did around Ethan. I realized, though, that he was still skeptical about our relationship. Or ashamed even.  He still returned my kisses and whispered sweet things to me, yet refrained from grabbing my ass or pulling me into dark corners to satisfy his need for me. Instead, he reminded me of our age difference.

"We have to be careful. What would people say?" He'd say.

Who cares what people say, right? But I didn't know how to get that through his thick skull.

I was mulling over this exact thought one day when I ran into Anthony while going to the supermarket. We hadn't really talked since 'that night' apart from the usual 'hello'. We were neighbors after all.

"You seem different, Courtney."

"Different?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," he said and analyzed me from every angle, "you're all smiles these days, and more, umm, elated."

I rested my hand on my waist and glared at him, "Aren't both of those things the same?"

He shrugged and looked away, "You know, we had this 'pause' for a while, and..."

"Not yet, Anthony..." Oh, how I wanted to say 'never'.


"A no is a no!" I cut him off, turned my cheek and clicked away, pissed off. The worst about the anger I was feeling was that I was the reason for it, not him. Blowing a chance like that to break up!

It made me realize the shadow of my mother still haunted me, and I hated it.


















"Ethan?" My reluctant call resounded in the empty garage. He called me there, but was nowhere to be seen. I tiptoed around his latest project which, to me, looked like a steel avantgarde dinosaur and pushed open the door to the house. I made sure to not let it groan, playing a spy.

The air was still, making even the slightest creak of the floorboards blare like a siren. It took only three steps till a palm muffled my scream, pulled me into darkness and locked the door.I felt his weight on me as he held me down by the shoulders and ravished my mouth. He sucked on my lips and pulled my tongue out with his teeth. The unrelenting passion was a direct contrast to the hesitant advances the last time we had sex. There was something missing then, and it was this roughness. I didn't want to be taken care of like a china cup, I wanted to be manhandled like a gearbox.

"Anthony traveled out with some friends for the weekend." He said with a dazzling smile and shoved his fingers in my pussy, "it's going to be just you and I."

My back arched from the thunderbolt he shot through me. "What of mom?" I wheezed, my eyes turning in their sockets.

Ethan grunted, pulled me closer to him, "Never mind her. Isn't that what you always say?" And chomped on my neck. I giggled and threw my arms around him.


He ripped off my pink 'daddy's girl' top's front and threw the shred behind him. I shivered at the touch of breeze on my naked nipples and splayed my legs wider for him. His blistered palm grabbed my left boob and sent a wave of thrilling pain through me.

"Yes!" This gasp made him grind my nipple between his teeth and tongue.

I shimmied back, humping his palm in the process. His tongue trailed down my body, leaving a wet trail of ice behind. He held my thighs in place while it traced lines along my tummy. He reached for the zip of his jacket and yanked it off. I wanted to feel up the slight bristle on his freshly bared chest, but he pulled away.

I watched as he hurriedly tossed his pants on the floor along with his boxers. And there he was in all his glory; an exotic deity ready to break me.

I expected him to plunge right into me, but instead, he buried his face between my thighs. The wetness of his assault made me tremble. He nibbled on my engorged clit and flicked it with his tongue. I involuntarily pushed my hips against the origin of the pleasure. He slurped and wiggled his tongue around my clitoris in reaction.

Right when I started tensing up and tug at his ruffled hair, he stopped.

"There," he smiled with bright eyes full of desire, "you're ready."

He pulled me towards him and penetrated me in a single move. Not a single second was wasted until I was pounded like ground meat. My boobs bounced as he thrust hard into me. I couldn't even talk, since every syllable was dotted by a moan.

Sweat trickled down his body.

Ethan leaned right into me, my arms wrapped tight around him and fucked me even harder. An intensity I have only fantasized about up until then.

Our bodies melted together into one mass of heat, groans, and sweat. I felt his whole weight against me and I loved it; he moved only his hips as he grunted into my ears. I was in his mercy.

Again, when he felt I was about to explode, he pulled away and lay on his back.

"Use your mouth." He growled as he stroked the length of his cock. I replaced his hand with mine and began rubbing along his stiffness. Not a single nook remained unexplored as I was getting familiar with it. My favorite parts were the veins bulging out and the little stringy part on the underside of its head that made him shiver.

I moistened my lips and puckered them out, exactly as I saw it in a magazine I once read. Then, slid down his rubbery meat, making sure I wouldn't scrape him with my teeth. It was almost impossible with the girth I was working with; my jaw was literally about to dislocate and it wasn't even all in.

I heard him moan and shake as I gulped his cock down my throat. The gag reflex came and I spit it out. As I was regaining courage to try again, I rubbed it in sloppy rhythm. Who would have thought that I would enjoy seeing him squirm under my touch?

"More..." He put his hand on the back of my head and pushed down. I let his dick penetrate my cocky smile without backtalk. I bobbed it up and down as I gagged on him. "God, where did you...? Nnh! Stop, God!" I chuckled through my nose and sucked. "Ah! Courtney, wait!" He groaned, let go of my head and clutched his teeth.

Even though his dick plopped out of my mouth, it was already too late. A single lick on the underside and thick strings of his seed shot out. I pumped his shaft in rapture, wanting to see more of his ecstatic agony.

"Haah, haah..." His belly raised with every heavy pant. "You..." He hissed.

Oh, crap..."Ahn! I'm so- Nghh!" His hips smacked against my bottom with a wet slap. I groaned and hid my face in the mattress, biting the material and stifling my screams.

"Oh really? Then what about this?" He glued his hips on me and rubbed up and down, pivoting his penis inside of me.

"Wha? Ooh!" He stroked the hard place in the deepest part of me. The one he only prodded until then. "Nngh!" It was like he struck a match to my gunpowder. I combusted immediately, turning into a quivering mess of gasps and waves of tensing muscles.

He refused to slow down, barreling through my vagina clutching his penis with titanlike grip. His huffing became louder and louder, peaking at an animalistic roar when he pulled out and covered my back with his sperm.

He let go of my love handles and flattened me under him.

"I hope that wasn't too hard?" The Ethan's trademark kindness was back.

"It was," I answered, feeling his chest push against me with every breath he took. "And I loved it!"The rest of the week was filled with our sexual escapades. By the end of it, I was hopelessly addicted to Ethan. Anthony, though, came back and limited the supply of my fixes.

Limited, but didn't stop it.

Every day, especially in the afternoons when Anthony wasn't around and mom had gone to work, I'd saunter over to Ethan's workshop to hang out.

Watching him work was always a delight. I sat on a low stool in the corner of his garage, enraptured by how he lifted the heavy machinery with relative ease, his muscles straining in battle against gravity.

When he wasn't too busy I'd slide over to him and guide his hand into my blouse. He'd cup my boobs and kiss my neck. And, if it really got to him, he'd bend me over the worktable and work me instead of the metal beasts. I loved those quick fucks.

Ethan always tried to guilt-trip himself after them by lamenting how he feels bad for Anthony and how, sometimes, it all 'feels wrong'. I'd always silence him with a deep kiss. That always seemed to work.It was one of those notoriously hot summer days when the horizon danced and popsicles vaporized. There was not even a speck in the sky to appease the sun's vengeance. I was done studying and found it difficult to play with Ethan when the workshop turned into a dry sauna. So we decided to hop inside for a quick drink.

Ice cubes in our empty glasses were still whole when we tasted the barley tea from each other's chilled lips. I had my arms dangling over his shoulders. He held onto my midriff and retreated, dragging my limp feet on the smooth surface of the floorboards.

"Courtney..." Ethan's voice was pitched as if something was lodged in his throat. I knew that pitch all too well: he was horny, and so was I.

We fell back through the door to his room and kicked it shut. Fumbling with each other's clothes came right after that, parting our mouths only to toss our tops. The tips of my fingers were already numb from the adrenaline coursing through me.

"Ow!" No wonder I tried to push his jeans down prematurely, the pin on the belt still stuck. "I'll do it myself."

"I'm sorry..." I winced with guilt.

"Don't worry," The corner of his mouth shot up in an amused smirk, his eyelids low. "I'll make you make up for it." He ran his tongue through his smile.We were soon on the bed with him buried deep inside me and my legs wrapped around him, moving in unison. It was already nothing more than a routine we enjoyed. There was no need to think about my loud moaning or the rhythmic squealing of wood under us. I was free to enjoy the high I got from him, and nothing, nothing could bring me down.

Not even turning my head and seeing Anthony with his face twisted with so many emotions it was undecipherable.

"Ah..." My brain was still fried from overvoltage, unable to connect the needed synapses to feel anything other than joy.

"Courtne-y? Nnh-, what are you loo-" The words jammed in Ethan's throat.

If you ever experienced an awkward silence that seemed to drag along like sludge, you can imagine a tenth, if not a hundredth of what I was feeling. Only the fan above us failed to get the hint.

What should I-. Run? Hide?
God, you must be dumb.
Talk? But what should I tell him? "Sorry, Anthony, I fucked your dad, are we cool?"
Yeah, right. Ughhh!

"What the fuck?!" He yelled after what felt like eternity. "Dad?!"

He gulped as if it was going to suck back the tears that burned him, sniffled and bolted out of the room. Ethan sat down and hung his head.

I realized I was the only one that could do anything about that situation.

I wrapped the blanket soaked in sex around me and ran after Anthony. Turns out he wasn't too far, since I almost crashed into him in the living room.

"Anthony," I murmured, "I'm sorry," He just snorted and looked away.

"Anthony, please." My voice cracked, "I really am sorry."

"Sorry for what?!" He snapped and pierced me with his eyes.

I opened my mouth but the sight of his trembling shoulders stopped me from spilling the truth. 

"Haa..." He exhaled, "How long has it been going on?"

Put on the spot, I couldn't hold his gaze. My fingers fiddled with the hem of my makeshift robe.

"A while," I croaked, and continued before he could ask anything more. "Anthony, I'm sorry, but," Mom's angry scream resounded in my head, but I pushed through. "I've never really loved you. I've gone out with you only because of mom. And, and because I wanted to get closer to Ethan, who I had feelings for ever since I knew something like that existed!"

His shoulders dropped, his expression grim.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way." I paused and balled my fingers into a fist, "You have every right to hate me.

"You don't mean...?" His voice shook.

"I can't do this anymore. There shouldn't be 'us' at all. I'm breaking up with you, Anthony, it's best for us both."

He staggered backwards and dropped on the couch. Pale, silent, with a limp jaw and empty eyes he sat there.

"It'd have saved us a lot of pain, if you'd have just told me." Saved YOU a lot of pain... I thought. His face tensed up into a scowl. "I just don't know if I'll be able to forgive him." He glanced up at me with a surrender's smile, "He did steal my girl."

I chuckled. Not at him, but out of relief.

Anthony fell silent again, as if trying to catch a slippery thought. Then he shrugged and looked at me.

"I guess I knew something was off. I mean, I suspected it. I just, wow. I wouldn't have thought it was dad."

Repeating 'I'm sorry' was the only card I had.

"I don't know if I can forgive you either, so don't sorry me!" He suddenly flared up.


Oh, but he did. It took a day or two and he was back to his old self. All smiles and hugs I could do without.

Maybe he's not as frail as I thought...


















The room was dark except for a lone ray of light seeping in through the crack between the curtains. The rumble of a motorcycle filtered into the room.

Anthony reached to his side and, with a flick, switched on the table lamp. He took a deep breath, released it and returned to spoon the warm blood pillow next to him.

"They're late by almost an hour, what do you think they did?" The woman whispered into his ear.

He slid his hands down the valley of her waist and admired the mountain her curvy hips were. She snuggled up to him, squashing her enormous rack on his torso. He loved her breasts, even more so when she let him fuck them.

"They-" He bit his lips. "-fucked, didn't they?"

The woman flashed a smile at him and traced her fingers along the edge of his jaw. Mmm, a beautiful boy, just like his father. Her other hand grabbed his cock and ran its palm along the length. Who would have thought he'd be so well packaged?

Anthony strained the strings his muscles were at her touch. She wasted no time and secured her supremacy by a deep kiss.

"What's with the long face?" She asked after the heated exchange of saliva.


"Say it."

"I feel bad for Courtney, we shouldn't be doing this..."

"I decide what we do, now," She pushed down on his shoulders. "lick!"

"Yes, Mom..."




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Category: cheating and betrayal

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